I don't want to seem like I'm stealing her awesome idea, but I just checked my stats and found a couple of gems. Somehow, these searches led these poor, pitiable perverts to my blog.
Drum roll, please.
Hamster that Poops glitter
I have no idea what this is, but now I know what the people want.
7th grade legs
Shaven or un?
Cadillac tattoos on grown men
Because Cadillac tattoos on women and children are soooo last year.
The douchebag life
If you are Googling it, you are living it, my friend.
Dealing with awkward situations on the bus
I've encountered plenty of awkward situations, but never on the bus. I assume they are like any other awkward situation, in which you should pull out your smartphone and look busy by Googling things like "Dealing with awkward situations on the bus." You're winning.
Lint
It's whats for dinner.
zannahbrown.blogspot.com
You've no idea how proud I am that someone actually Googled my website. Thanks, Mom.
Pic of Randy Travis wrecked Pontiac
I can't find any, either. If you do, please reply to this post. You'd make my millennium.
What did Randy Travis do now
Now? I didn't know Randy was such a rebel.
michael phelps xxx
My post was entitled "XXX Hours of Michael Phelps". The "XXX" was meant to be "30" in Roman numerals. I have a feeling the person that searched for this wanted some nudey photos of Magic Mike. What? Seeing his nipples and Speedo every waking hour for the last two weeks wasn't enough for you? Geez. Go read "50 Shades of Grey" or something. Pervert.
gangrene penis
You should not be wasting time by Googling this. You should be visiting the nearest healthcare provider.
constipation cartoons
What's the Chinese term for constipation? Hung Chow.
navel buttholes
Whoa, friend. Does your navel have a butthole or does your butthole have a navel? Quit panicking. It's probably just an outie or a hemorrhoid.
how to make a middle finger in text
Really? We are drawing in text messages now? Isn't the :) or :( enough when it comes to text illustrations? If you want to flip someone off in a text, just type the following words, "I'm totally flipping you off right now." Better yet, take a photo of your middle finger, attach it to the text, and send it. There's no need to go all --^-- on someone.
Pigs doing it
I've seen it. In person. You don't want to Google it. Pervert.
Redneck pool swim
I can just picture Hawley or Rahbee from my Cement Pond post, sitting in front of their old IBM computer they scored at an indoor yard sale. Bless their hearts, they are dumb as bricks, and Rahbee searches "redneck pool". When photos of ponds come up, Hawley chimes in and says, "You didn't put the word swim on there, Rahbee! Put the word swim!" So, Rahbee adds the word "swim" to his search, and photos of ponds still pop up. Bless their hearts.
Tacos with Trish
Oh my word. Trish got wind of the post I've written about her, and she has Googled it by name. I'm sorry, Trish. That comment about your sweatshirt with the puffy painted kitten on it was too harsh.
LMAO @ Hung Chow.
ReplyDeleteThat was one of my dad's favorite jokes. It still makes me chuckle.
DeleteI LOVE these posts. Whenever I get a funny one I immediately send it to my friend Abby at Abby Has Issues 'cause she is the first one I ever saw do a google search post. I rarely get super good ones. I love yours. My favorite is gangrene penis. Hilarious.
ReplyDeletePoor green penis. Times are hard.
DeleteThis is awesome!!! I haven't really paid attention to that before - I must go trot on over and see what weird and wacky things come up!
ReplyDeleteThe things people Google....dang.
Do trot! You'll be amazed!!
DeleteVery funny. Thanks for expanding my knowledge.
ReplyDeleteYou're so welcome! Thanks for reading!!
DeleteFunny! The only really interesting thing that someone googled to find my blog was "And raisins on it". I did speculate for a long time as to what exactly they were looking for with "raisins on it." Maybe that question is best left unanswered.
ReplyDeleteI went and read the post "Tacos with Trish". I also have a puffy cat sweatshirt as part of my "Christmas gifts from my mother-in-law" collection. I wear it with a big hat when I do yardwork and let the neighbors think I'm eccentric.
Hilarious. I'd rather not know because raisins can go on, well, anything I guess.
DeleteKudos on the sweatshirt. Just don't wear it to social functions.
I love seeing what brought people to OTHER folks' pages.
ReplyDeleteI don't like seeing what brought folks to mine.
It's discouraging. It makes me think that, perhaps, if I only set my sights lower, I might get more traffic.
I don't WANT to set my sights lower, but the audience must be satisfied, so I've spent my day feeding glitter to a hamster.
I've got the camera ready!
Low sights, low sights. I need a photograph of the glitter feces. Gross.
DeleteWhy, you had me at "Hamster that Poops glitter," but it got even more bizarre. And funny. I have an uncontrollably urge to put "XXX" in a blog title now. Does that make me a wild child (as she adjusts her ponytail and pulls up her support hose)? Ellen
ReplyDeleteAdjust that ponytail and get to clickin, woman!
DeleteHaha, it really makes you wonder what the hell people are thinking when they are looking for these things. Your theory on the Redneck pool swim had me cracking up.
ReplyDeleteI keep meaning to do this for my search terms, and I think you may have inspired me to actually do it!
Thanks!
Glad to inspire you!!
DeleteI just wanted to let you know that this is the first post I've read on your blog, so all I know about you right now is that you won something from "Dude of the House" and that these are the Google searches that lead to your blog.
ReplyDeleteNaturally, I'll be reading more.
Naturally! Thanks!
DeleteI'm nearly crying with laughter over here...your blog is way cooler than I thought ;)
ReplyDelete