Finding Bigfoot (Not Really)

My husband rarely laughs at the television. Actually, my husband rarely laughs at anything. Recently, I was laughing through tears, as I clutched my side and nearly fell off the couch at Karl Pilkington on "An Idiot Abroad". Hubs just stared at me like I needed psychological help. He made me feel ashamed for laughing. That shame turned into anger. I told him he had no sense of humor. He argued that he had the "perfect" sense of humor and I had "too much" sense of humor. Then, he proudly stated that he had recently giggled at something Rick said on "Pawn Stars".  I told him that was stupid. The tension grew. Nothing was funny about this conversation anymore. We just sat in silence and ended up watching a documentary on some President in the 40's. Then we went to bed. This happens often. It's really a vicious cycle.

You can imagine my surprise when I heard him let out a "guffaw" in the living room a few weeks ago. I was expecting to see Rick Harrison cussing out the fat boys on "Pawn Stars" for buying a fake Navajo painting, but I was wrong. Hubby was laughing at the Animal Planet hit, "Finding Bigfoot."

"This is stupid," I declared. If my husband, with no sense of humor, thought this was funny, then it probably wasn't.

I have to admit that after five minutes of watching this craziness, I was laughing, too. My husband was laughing. We were laughing. It was beautiful. After our bout of laughter, I thought we might end up in those bathtubs from the Cialis commercial, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. You know, when ordinary moments with the one you love turn into something more....and you feel the need to bathe in claw foot tubs out in the middle of no where. Yeah, it was special like that.

I digress. Have you seen "Finding Bigfoot"? If not, let me explain this program and why it is so effing funny.

Four dudes set out on an excursion, in hopes of capturing Bigfoot on film. The real Bigfoot-not some guy that worked as a page at Universal Studios in the 80's and somehow made off with the costume from Harry and the Hendersons.

Three of the four dudes on this show are avid believers in the Sasquatch. One of the dudes looks like the trucker hat dude on 30 Rock. Another dude, who is actually a girl, but looks like a dude, is the skeptic. The other two dudes look like dudes that believe in Bigfoot. It's quite a posse of weird dudes.

He was this tall.

These dudes meet up with a bunch of local white people, who claim to have seen Bigfoot eating hens, darting across their ATV path, or climbing into an abandoned trailer on Rural Route 5. They always describe the Sasquatch as being "this tall" with hand gestures. That's all they really know about Sassy. Just that he was "this tall".

So these dudes camp out where sightings have taken place, in hopes to capture Bigfoot on film. Oh, on a side note, this show taught me that the plural of "Bigfoot" is "Bigfoots". As an English major, I cannot allow myself to say "Foots". I call them "Bigfeet". I just can't help myself.

I digress again. So, they head out with their night vision and thermal cameras. Everything during the last half hour of the show is in that annoying night vision green. They run around the woods throwing rocks, hitting sticks together, and screaming into the night air. Sometimes they hear the faint howl of a coyote, a random bird, or wind rustling through the pines, to which they say with absolute conviction, "That was totally a Squatch."

Do not watch if you suffer from epilepsy.

Doesn't sound funny to you? Have you ever seen a dude in night vision green, howling into the night, in hopes that a Bigfoot howls back? Have you ever seen a dude banging sticks together, with a glimmer of hope in his eyes? Have you ever seen a dude shout out, "Where are you, you furry bastard?"  Trust me, it's funny.

Do I believe in Bigfoot? Well no, but I can say, with absolute conviction, that I spotted a primate like creature in a corn field when I was a kid. Yes, in rural Tennessee. Was it a Squatch? I don't know what it was, but I sure as hell ain't camping in that cornfield overnight, throwing rocks, and clicking sticks together in hopes to catch one on camera. Well, actually, I did click sticks together just last weekend. Hubs and I were riding 4-wheelers and there were definitely some weird tracks about. As a joke, I quietly hit a couple of branches together. The husband and I shared a laugh. It was another beautiful moment. And then we rode like hell before Bigfoot actually made an appearance.

But, I was trying to be funny. These dudes are serious. Do they think the Sasquatch is going to pop out of a tree, casually introduce himself, hand over a business card and proceed to do a Madonna "Vogue" pose in front of the camera? I find that highly unlikely. I'm thinking more the "gnashing of teeth" route. You know, where he decapitates the dude that looks like the dude from 30 Rock. Haven't they ever seen the Jack Link's Beef Jerky commercials? Sasquatch don't play.

The thing is, they are never going to find Bigfoot. Therefore, I think the name of the show should be changed. "Looking for Bigfoot", "Trying to Capture Video Evidence that Bigfoot Exists", "Doing Everything but Actually Finding Bigfoot." Marlin found Nemo in "Finding Nemo".  Johnny Depp found Neverland in "Finding Neverland." Four weird dudes haven't found shit in "Finding Bigfoot".

But it is sure entertaining to watch.