The Rollercoaster Post

My blog is now on Facebook.

Please calm yourselves!

Attention! Calm yourselves! You there in the red cloak at the back of the room! Please put that little person down. Calm yourselves! Settle down!

Now that we are calm, I invite you to pretty please with a grape on top like my Facebook page and share it with others. If you don't, you will have nightmares and explosive diarrhea. The choice is yours.

If you are viewing the web version of my blog, there's a Facebook link over there---->
If you are viewing the mobile version of my blog, you can find my Facebook page here.
If you are viewing the web version of my blog, I guess you can click the link that I provided for my mobile version viewers.

The point is, I don't care how you get to my Facebook page- by camel, Datsun or Big Wheel. Just get there, please.

I'm not going to tell a story for my post this week. I'm not going to dig deep into my heart and pray that some touching words pour forth like liquid from a stream. Instead, this post is going to be sort of a rollercoaster- up and down and round and round with no purpose but to make you dizzy and want to repent to God in case you fall 23,000 feet head first. Please don't eat that corn dog and make sure you are at least 48 inches in height before reading. Now strap yourselves in and let's go.

While sitting in church, I noticed some notes that had been left behind by some kids at the earlier service. They were incredibly boring notes weighing the pros and cons of owning a Macintosh computer. Lame, right? But what struck me as ridiculous about these notes was the use of hashtags. Yes, in a handwritten note, hashtags were being drawn. The only one I remember, though there were several, was #PCproblems. Sweet Lord. Technology is the debbil. The debbil, I say.

Speaking of debbilish technology, my SUV has a push button start thingy that is activated by a thing-a-ma-jiggy that I keep on my key ring. What happens when the battery in the thing-a-ma-jiggy dies? Well, the car doesn't start. And the boy screams, "Go, Mama' from the backseat as he riots and we sit in the garage. I just want a freaking key to put in the ignition like the good old days. Again, technology is the debbil.

Husband took the boy out to the woods for their "boys day" last weekend. The almost three year old helped fill deer feeders with corn in hopes of fattening up Bambi's dad so his dad can shoot him in the fall. My son has no idea that he's an accomplice to deer murder.

The girl and I spent the day together. She wanted us to go watch a beauty pageant. Before you knock it, my daughter does beauty pageants. I'm not talking Honey Boo Boo/ Jon Benet pageants. We don't wear fake teeth or Loretta Lynn circa 1976 hair. She does natural pageants in beautiful, long princess dresses with the help of a hint of blush and a large barrelled curling iron only touching the ends of her hair. But we enjoy watching them. She learns alot about posing and I learn alot about chicken nuggets.

What in h e double hockey sticks is in this nation's chicken nuggets? I watched the 11-13 year old girls on the stage, and I was sure that they were college kids. I didn't look like that when I was 11. Or 30. I'm talking boobs people. Children with boobs! When it comes to McNuggets, in the words of Antoine Dodson, "Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Chicken nuggets givin' e'rybody boobs up in here."

Antione Dodson makes me think of Sweet Brown. I had two Sweet Brown Facebook status updates this week. Two too many, but still.

Status One: "I'm pretty sure I know what Sweet Brown said while watching the Pope's smoke ceremony. Lord Jesus, it's a fire."

I thought that was brilliant. Then I got on Tumblr and noticed that someone else had already come up with that joke. I should have had it copywrited.

Status Two: "I've been coughing for 23 days. In the words of Susannah Brown, "I went downstairs to get me a cough drop. I got the bronchitis, Lord Jesus. I do not have time for this!"

My name is Susannah Brown. We all know this by now. Susannah Brown sounds like Sweet Brown, but I ain't got time for dat. Instead of a "cold pop", I got a cough drop. I actually DO have bronchitis. I'm educated so I say, "I do not have time for this."

I thought this was funny but it only got 9 likes on Facebook. I don't know what the people want from me.

Do you want to read more ridiculous status updates like this? Then follow my Facebook page. There's a link up yonder to click.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Thanks to all of my new followers and likers. Stick with me, people. Together we can change the world.

And the recipe of Coke.
Not that we'd want to, but we could.