Spamholes

I thought that my big fat well of blogging material had run dry until I checked my email this evening and saw that I had a plethora of new comments on my blog.

My good buddy, Anonymous, had commented on my posts more times than my redneck toddler boy peed in the backyard this afternoon.

And that's a lot.

Plus, like a dog, he dropped a deuce near my potted Impatiens.

I guess that's what hot 3 year olds in soaking wet swim trunks do when they just can't hold that Happy Meal any longer.

I've digressed. Terribly.

Fellow bloggers, doesn't your post look awesome with 74 comments below it? Sure it does. Until you read through them, expecting to see high praise from a fellow blogger or your mama, and you realize that it is comment after comment of utter BS from spamming a-holes, which I have dubbed as "spamholes".

That CAPTCHA (Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart) thing is the worst. No one wants to attempt to enter letters and numbers that appear to have been drawn by a drunk ghost. I know it will deter spammers, but it will also deter my Great Aunt Ida from commenting, and I really dig her thoughts on my posts. They always have an Aspercreme reference thrown in there somewhere or 'nother.

Oh, and I had no idea what CAPTCHA stood for until I Googled that shiz. I always thought it meant something like Confusing, Annoying, Pain in my Tired Caucasian Happy Ass.

I've digressed again. Terribly.

So, I read through some of these spammer's comments, and I found myself laughing out loud. And I knew I had brand spankin' new blogging material.

Here are a couple of my favorites along with my responses.

It's also loaded with a dry skin the means of cleaning and foaming agent found in babies' stomachs, to ensure that you take on the pimple. Anthony Vendetti - Maxim Group
And then once you are likely to aggravate during pregnancy which in turn
offers an alternative. 4 million in cash and $6.

Are these Tool lyrics? I'm not sure how an infant's digestive juices are supposed to help pimples, but this Anthony dude swears by it. He also thinks I should get pregnant and sell the baby for 4,000,006 dollars.


Narrow blood vessels lie alongside the intestines of the earthworm and they absorb the
nutrients from the alimentary canal feeding the rest of the body. Anna had been looking through my phone while I was naked.
The Bull's Head Pub, Bangkok.

I didn't know they were doing science experiments on earthworms at some pub in Bangkok, but it sounds like some things went amiss and Anna thought your phone was more entertaining than your nakedness.


Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I Hate Rap. And Wrap.":
Hey! I know this is kinda off topic but I'd figured I'd ask.
Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog post or vice-versa?
My website addresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.
If you happen to be interested feel free to send me an email.
I look forward to hearing from you! Terrific blog by the way!
my web site: get hot sex xvideo xxx videos

I'm totally not sure how this person's website addresses the same topics as mine. I never rarely mention hot sex in my posts.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Quit Your Female Doggin'":
Great info. Lucky me I ran across your website by accident
(stumbleupon). I have book marked it for later!
my page; Louisville Personal Injury Lawyer

I like how this person put (stumbleupon) in parentheses. Have they bookmarked it for later so they can (stumbleupon) it again? Leave it to a personal injury lawyer to use the term "stumble". I bet a lot of his/her clients "stumble".

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Quit Your Female Doggin'":
DJ spins out on Saturday nights. Below are listed a few popular
pubs where one can chill in Mumbai. Ask your local club
to run this for you.
My blog post; best pub quiz team names

I was just saying that I wish I could find a DJ that spins on Saturday night in Mumbai. Girrrrls triiiiip!

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Quit Your Female Doggin'":
Appreciate this post. Let me try it out.

Anonymous commented "let me try this out" on a post called "Quit Your Bitchin'" Yes, by all means, try it out. There's too much bitchin' in the world today.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Up Yours, Buddy!":
When some one searches for his required thing, thus
he/she wishes to be available that in detail, therefore that thing is maintained
over here.

I swear that I was once inebriated on Seagram's Wine Coolers at a party in 97', and I said this exact same sentence while trying to tell someone how to find the bathroom.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Terrifying Night With Douche Zeppelin":
Having read this I believed it was extremely informative.
I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this article together.
I once again find myself personally spending way
too much time both reading and commenting.
But so what, it was still worth it!

If you like finding your spam comment in a blog post about spam comments, then, yes, it was worth it.


Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Terrifying Night With Douche Zeppelin":
I was recommended this web site by my cousin. I'm not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem. You're wonderful!
Thanks!

You have a problem with Douche Zeppelins, too? Tell your cousin thanks for the referral.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Terrifying Night With Douche Zeppelin":
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so
much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but
instead of that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read.
I'll certainly be back.

Again, yes, I do know a lot about Douche Zeppelins. I may not have written the book on it, but I did write this post about it. If you'd like me to write a book, just ask.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Up Yours, Buddy!":
5- The real truth about whenever and approaches to use each of those dumbbells and equipments to put on excellent muscle
quickly. The 62 page Somanabolic Weight Training program that details the specific workouts
you need to do depending on your somatotype (body type) in order to pack on lean muscle mass.
Yes, obviously, it is the most affordable way of buying protein since all you want to do is to obtain those egg whites with a tray of offspring.

Tray of Offspring. Best. Band. Name. Ever.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Terrifying Night With Douche Zeppelin":
What i do not understood is if truth be told how you're no longer really much more smartly-favored than you might be now. You are very intelligent. You realize thus considerably with regards to this matter, produced me personally consider it from so many varied angles. Its like women and men don't seem to be interested unless it is one thing
to do with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs great. Always
deal with it up!

I don't know why I'm not more "smartly-favored" than I am now, either, dear sir. And, you're right. The whole world today is so wrapped up in Girl gaga. And I'm definitely gonna deal with it up, homey. (WTH does that even mean, Spamhole?)

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Bad at Blogging. Good at Tingling.":
At the end of the party all of the people write down who they think was the prohibition agent.
Every Halloween party that people remember later in
the year by saying things like "Do you remember so-and-so's Halloween party last year."

I've never been to a party and then made a list of who I think was a prohibition agent. Then again, I've never partied with Eliot Ness.

 

But, you're absolutely right, Spamhole. I do remember so and so's Halloween party last year. Epic. 

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Terrifying Night With Douche Zeppelin":
Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google,
and found that it's truly informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. Numerous people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

 

Yeah, watch out for Brussels. Those things will sprout up on you outta no where. Spamhole.

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Showering Snookie":
Thanks to my father who told me regarding this webpage, this web site is in fact remarkable.

 

I'm so glad your father loves my webpage and especially my post about Snookie's baby shower. Is your dad also Snookie's baby daddy?

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Discovered in the DG":
I'd like to find out more. I'd like to find out more details.

 

Well, by God, find out more details. Read the post again and see if anything new pops out at you.

 

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Bad at Blogging. Good at Tingling.":
The owner decided after the event to donate half of the proceeds back to the students.
Unfortunately for me as an addict, I need my crime fix.
You Divide everyone at the party into two groups.

 

This scares me. Are you trying to steal proceeds from students to get your crack and crime fix? I DO, in fact, divide everyone at parties into two groups. Sounds like you're in the group that I refer to as "Ew."

 

Thank you, Spamholes for the blogging material.

 

Now leave me alone.

 

 

 

Linking up with this rocking woman. We like the same music. And I'm pretty sure she probably hates Spamholes, too.

http://modmombeyondindiedom.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-i-dont-like-mondays-blog-hop.html