I've Got A Fever

I've decided to call Hubs something different in this post. Hubs is so redundant. Everybody refers to their nameless husband as Hubs. I can't be like everyone else. That's just preposterous.

Consort. I'm going with Consort.

Anyway.

I've got a fever. And the prescription is Baby.

So many people I know are pregnant. Friends and neighbors. Snookie. And the fever is catching! 

However, when it comes to family planning, Consort (I'm actually tired of this word already) says we've got our girl and our boy. What else do we need?

I get Consort's point, but I don't agree. I've dreamed of having four kids since I was a kid.

Alexandria, Brantley, Tate and Alexis.

Okay, that sounds like an entourage of superheroes donning leather, whose hideout is located above a brothel where they work part time. I didn't actually pick any of these names for my children, but there were four of them. I have always imagined having four.

Consort says no. He says I can have them with someone else. When I make a face that suggests this might be a good plan, he nervously laughs, nudges me and says, "But you wouldn't right? You wouldn't!"

He knows I sort of have a crush on UPS guy. And with my E bay addiction, I see UPS guy a lot. UPS guy also looks like he has good jeans genes.

So, I came to a compromise with Consort. Instead of four, I would be thankful for three. That's the perfect number between my wanting four and his wanting two. He's mulling it over..

Anyway, here is a list that I came up with to present to Consort on why we should have another baby.

I should have stuck with Hubs. Consort is a stupid word and I keep thinking of medicine. Wait, that's cortizone.

Why I Need Another Baby

• I have a lot of Pampers Swaddlers coupons about to expire. 
• My first baby is old enough now to change third baby's diaper. 
• The boy needs a brother because he hurts the girl when they rough house. Yes, she is nearly 4 years older than him. And he is only 2. 
• The girl needs a sister to do girlie things with her because the boy has strange feelings when he sees half naked Barbies. And he is only 2. 
• If I am suffering from insomnia half of the time, I might as well tend to a baby that has insomnia.
• I need a valid reason to get a Xanax prescription. A third kid driving me crazy is valid.
• More kids reduces the chances of me being in a soiled diaper for more than 30 minutes when I'm 90. More kids = more help.  
• We produce good and beautiful little people. The world needs more good and beautiful.  
• I love being a mother. 
• I love being a mother. 
• I love being a mother. 

I really miss the smells of a newborn and Dreft detergent and even spit up. I want to be 60 years old, cooking out on our back porch and look around to see a yard full of children and grandchildren.
 
Even though I look awful and feel awful when I'm pregnant, I don't care. I will overlook the wingspan and third chin and back aches for the end result. 

My heart is overflowing with joy and love at the two precious gifts God has already provided me, and somehow my heart still has room for more.

And I can't stand not using those Swaddlers coupons.

They just stare at me screaming, "We expire soon! Use us! Use us!"

Consort better get on board because God willing, I'm using those coupons.